


Through the Years

by xlkslb_ccdtks



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, He does get the world, Heartbreak, If I were fair he would have it, Jaemin deserves the world, Just not in the way he expected, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-05-04 12:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14593224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlkslb_ccdtks/pseuds/xlkslb_ccdtks
Summary: A timeline of Jaemin's life through the years as he falls in love, gets his heart broken, loses everything, and gains something in return.





	1. Through the Years

At age 5, Jaemin gets a new friend.

A new family is moving into their neighborhood, and his mom says they have a little boy the same age as him and Jeno. He’s known Jeno his whole life—in fact, he’s lived next to Jeno his whole life—so Jaemin’s eager to meet someone new.

This new someone is a small Chinese boy with tiny hands and a tiny voice. He’s sweet and gentle, and his laughter sounds like tinkling bells.

His name is Renjun, and because neither Jaemin nor Jeno can pronounce more than simple syllables at this age, Renjun becomes their Junnie.

 

At age 7, Jaemin gets a new hobby.

Jeno’s older brother Donghae is a dancer at the studio downtown, and he also teaches classes for younger kids, so when Jeno signs up, Jaemin and Renjun follow.

Jeno stays in his brother’s class, which is mainly hip hop, and Jaemin sticks with him.

Renjun finds that his interests lie in a more graceful type of dance, so he transfers to the ballet class that starts and ends a little later than Jaemin and Jeno’s.

Since they all live so close together, their parents have them walk to and from the studio together, which means Jaemin and Jeno have to wait a bit for Renjun.

They don’t mind, though. They get to watch from the side window with other dancers’ siblings and parents, and Jaemin thinks Renjun makes ballet look a hundred times better than the other kids.

Afterwards, they get to get ice cream at the parlor next door with Donghae, and Jaemin and Jeno walk Renjun home.

 

At age 9, Jaemin thinks he’s got a crush.

He heard Donghyuck talking about it in class, and he learns all about Mark hyung’s crush on Yeri for the afternoon.

He makes a mental checklist of everything Donghyuck relays, from thinking someone’s pretty to liking the color of their eyes to finding that his heart beats faster around them and more.

He discovers that Renjun ticks off all the boxes.

He wants to ask Jeno about it, but Jeno turns as red as the apple in his lunchbox when he tries.

_Another time, then._

 

At age 14, Jaemin thinks he’s in love.

Their dance studio holds recitals yearly, and this time Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun get to be part of the older batch of performers.

Through hard work and diligent training, Jaemin and Jeno get selected for a performance together, just the two of them, and it’s something unheard of at their studio, which they learned a few years ago was actually for the gifted.

They kill it on stage, and when they get off, Renjun’s waiting with two large bouquets of flowers that his hands can barely carry.

He’s smiling so hard, and his happiness is contagious, so Jaemin and Jeno burst into big grins when they see him.

He thrusts the bouquets into their hands and launches himself into their arms, laughing when Jaemin and Jeno drop their flowers to carry him properly.

Renjun presses kisses to each of their cheeks, and Jaemin’s heart rate skyrockets.

Perhaps it’s the adrenaline from finishing his performance.

Perhaps it’s his heart trying to tell him something.

 

At age 15, Jaemin knows he’s in love.

This year, Renjun gets selected for a prestigious solo performance near the finale of the show.

When Jaemin and Jeno finish their own joint performance—again—they stand in the curtains with Renjun’s proud instructor Seulgi who had noticed his potential from the first day and cultivated his talent like her life depended on it.

Renjun’s wearing a flowy, glimmering costume that makes him look like part of the night sky. He glows as he takes his starting position in the dark, and his grace is stunning.

Jaemin gets lost in watching Renjun dance, and Renjun’s radiance cannot be matched, not even by the countless strings of twinkling lights decorating the stage.

Renjun transforms into the wind and takes Jaemin’s breath away, sweeping across the space as if he could bend the air around him. Each step he takes seems to bring a star into existence, and he paints an infinite constellation on the dim floor of the stage.

He mesmerizes the audience, and Jaemin’s too caught up falling in love to notice Jeno falling in love too.

 

At age 16, Jeno tells Jaemin a secret that Renjun can’t know about, and Jaemin feels like he’s been stabbed in the chest.

“I’m in love with him.”

_So am I._

“I want to hold his hand, kiss him, go on dates…“

_So do I._

“I hope he loves me back.”

_So do I._

All of Jeno’s wishes come true, and Jaemin wonders if the universe spent all its luck on his best friend and not him.

 

At age 17, Jaemin watches his best friend go to prom with his other best friend, and, coincidentally, the love of his life.

Jaemin and Jeno are getting ready at Jeno’s house, mostly because Donghae has the god tier hair product they’ll need to survive the night.

They’ll be picking up Renjun from his house once they’re ready, and Jeno’s been bouncing off the walls since he woke up this morning.

Jeno repeatedly asks if he looks good, and Jaemin has to admit that he really does.

“You’ll blow him away,” he says sincerely.

When they get to Renjun’s house, Jaemin watches as the love of his life descends down the staircase toward him like a star slowly falling to Earth. The fantasy ends there, though, because Jeno sweeps Renjun off his feet when he gets to the last step, and Jaemin can’t bear to watch them kiss.

“How do I look?” Renjun asks shyly.

“Beautiful,” Jeno breathes out immediately, taking the answer right out of Jaemin’s mouth.

“Like an angel,” Jaemin teases instead.

He gets a smack on the arm in return, and he pretends to stagger from the force of the hit.

The laughter he receives in response is worth all the pain he’s been ignoring for the past year.

 

At age 18, Jaemin graduates with Highest Honors, but it doesn’t compare to Renjun’s valedictorian stole draped over his gown.

Walking off the stage with Renjun, Jaemin absorbs the brilliance of his smile and thinks that the Sun dulls in comparison.

Jeno, with his numerous tassels in disarray, brings them both in for a big bear hug, and the three laugh until they cry when Donghae scoops Jeno up from behind and makes his brother screech.

Holding hands and their diplomas, the trio beam at the photographer taking hundreds of pictures, immortalizing their achievements and friendship of many years.

 

At age 19, Jaemin receives a bit of hope, but he crushes it immediately because he’s a better person than that.

Jeno and Renjun have a huge fight, and Jaemin is forced to be best friend to both of them separately.

The breakup is fueled by an inevitable avalanche of things that have accumulated over the years, and Jaemin’s heart hurts at the words his friends throw at each other.

His heart hurts even more when he spends time with both individually and all he hears through their tears is how much they love one another.

Because he can’t bear having the most important people in his life miserable, he locks them in his bedroom after inviting them over separately and walks down to the dance studio to practice for an hour.

He comes back to them making out on his bed, and he ushers them out the door over to Jeno’s house where they’ll most likely just continue on Jeno’s bed instead.

With them he ushers out his last chance, and Jaemin crawls into his own bed cradling the broken pieces of his heart.

 

At age 23, Jeno tells Jaemin another secret that Renjun can’t know about, and it feels like the knife in his chest is being twisted deeper and deeper.

“I want to marry him.”

_So do I._

“I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

_So do I._

“I hope he says yes.”

_So do I._

Like the good best friend he is, Jaemin keeps Jeno’s secret close to his heart, and the secret festers in his wounded chest like a poison with no cure.

 

At age 24, Jaemin helps his best friend prepare for the most crucial night of Jeno’s life.

Jeno’s shaking with nerves as he fiddles with the ring in his hand, taking it in and out of its box and inspecting it from every angle.

Jaemin’s breath catches at the sight of the engraving that he advised Jeno to choose.

In beautiful, heartfelt letters it says _I loved you at 5 and I’ll love you at forever,_ and Jaemin wonders if there’s a limit to how much heartache someone can take.

Luck, or maybe love, is on Jeno’s side again, and a little less than a decade later, Renjun says, “Yes,” again.

At home, Jaemin opens the box that’s been sitting on his dresser since he was 15 and stares hopelessly at the two metal cuffs that glint back at him. The familiar engraving within the cuffs hurts to look at, and he puts the box away in a deep corner of one of his dresser drawers, never intending to set his eyes on the bracelets again.

 

At age 25, Jaemin is the best man at his best friends’ wedding, and he watches as the father of the love of his life gives him away to his blood brother of two-and-a-half decades.

Renjun looks heart-stoppingly ethereal in his wedding outfit, and he giggles in response to Jaemin’s wink before his father hands him over to Jeno.

Jaemin watches as Jeno slides the silver band onto Renjun’s finger, and they kiss as they are pronounced husbands.

The ceremony is beautiful, and Jaemin stands right beside a beaming Donghae in his position of the best man in the photos.

He makes sure to get pictures with the happy couple and individual ones with both grooms as well. He’s definitely setting the funny one of the three of them as his wallpaper.

His best friends’ union may be the greatest event of his life, and Jaemin cannot look away as he watches them elatedly cut the cake, falling over one another with giddy laughter. They look so happy that Jaemin genuinely hopes they stay like this forever.

Later, Jaemin gives a fantastic, emotional toast, but he can’t hear the applause over the sound of pieces of his heart being ground into fine dust.

Jeno and Renjun perform a dance that reminds Jaemin of the night he fell in love, and together the pair repaint the night sky with their own constellation. With each step, they scatter stars across the dance floor along with the remains of Jaemin’s broken heart.

 

At age 27, Jaemin is named the godfather of his best friends’ kid, and little Lucas captivates everyone he meets.

The little guy is actually not a very little guy, and he’s nearly a head taller than all his friends in dance class. He excels in Jaemin’s class, however, and Jaemin expects nothing less from the child of the two best dancers he’s ever known.

When Jeno and Renjun come to pick Lucas up, they invite Jaemin to get ice cream with them, and they spend the next hour diligently listening to Lucas’s recap of his day.

Jaemin remembers Renjun telling him that Lucas’s Chinese name, Xuxi, means _bright, prosperous,_ and _rising sun._ It’s fitting that people like Jeno and Renjun, the stars of Jaemin’s life, would have literal sunshine for a child.

Lucas is a lucky little fellow; his parents adore him and Jaemin dotes on him like crazy.

At some point Jaemin feels like his heart is mending when little Lucas draws Jaemin into his family portrait for art class, proudly showing off that his godfather is taller than both his parents.

Renjun and Jeno think it’s the cutest thing, and they frame the picture in their living room.

For Christmas, Jaemin gets his own portrait signed by the artist himself, and in corner of the frame, _To Uncle Jaemin! From your godson Lucas!_ is visible.

For the first time in a long time, Jaemin’s heart is okay.

 

At age 30, Jaemin’s world collapses.

“The other driver was drunk” is the only explanation he gets, but it doesn’t solve anything.

It doesn’t solve why Jaemin’s best friend is lying lifelessly on the surgery table, why Jeno won’t get up and hug Jaemin because they haven’t seen each other in a while, why Jeno’s time of death was declared at 9:46 PM.

It doesn’t solve why the love of Jaemin’s life is in critical condition, why Renjun’s eyes are swollen shut, why his chances of surviving are 1 in 100.

Lucas survives the car accident with a broken arm, and his crying doesn’t stop for hours as he sits with Jaemin at his remaining father’s bedside.

Jaemin cradles his godson as close as possible, hiding his own tears in the little boy’s hair as he promises, “I’ll take care of you, buddy. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

_I’ll take care of him, Junnie. I’ll never let anything happen to him._

The love of his life passes away at exactly 1:27 AM after Jaemin makes the most important promise of his life, one that he will never break.

When he meets a devastated Donghae in the hallway outside, Donghae doesn’t even have to ask before Jaemin tells him what he vowed to Renjun.

At the funeral, Jaemin wants to bury his heart with his beloved friends, but he knows he can’t when little Lucas grabs his hand in an attempt to comfort his grieving godfather. He has a promise to keep, after all.

When Lucas says _bye-bye_ to his parents, Jaemin swears up to Jeno and Renjun and the other stars in heaven that he’ll make sure their little Sun shines forever.

 

At age 38, Jaemin sits in a cushioned seat of the theatre as the lights dim for the final performance and a lone figure takes his starting position in the center of the stage.

The music begins, and Lucas enamours the crowd as he shows them why he was chosen for the closing act.

Jaemin feels an ache in his chest when he recognizes all the little elements that make up Lucas’s unique dance style. He recognizes the power of his best friend when Lucas sweeps forward with the energy and magnificence that Jeno used to. He recognizes the grace of the love of his life when Lucas leaps in the air with the agility and elegance that Renjun used to.

Jaemin is hypnotized as Lucas creates his own galaxy on the stage with himself as the Sun, captivating the audience effortlessly with his radiance.

Lucas leaves everyone in the room breathless, and Jaemin cheers loudly enough to make Lucas wave in his direction when his performance is finished.

Lucas is energetic and giddy when he’s finally changed out of his costume, and Jaemin takes his beaming godson to the ice cream parlor nearby.

Over the years, Jaemin has realized that slowly, Lucas has been filling the gaping hole in his chest and that his heart has been healing with every step of the way.

As Lucas devours his special triple scoop sundae, Jaemin hopes that his best friends are resting easy in the night sky knowing that their little Sun is shining brighter than ever.

 

At age 41, Jaemin sits in the audience of Lucas’s high school graduation, ignoring the glare of the Sun to focus on his godson.

Lucas is his class valedictorian, and Jaemin’s heart had swelled immensely when he found out his godson would follow in Renjun’s footsteps.

Jaemin is so, _so_ proud as Lucas takes his place behind the podium to address the crowd. His godson is a natural leader and a good speaker, and his confident voice fills every corner of the field.

When Lucas gets to the second half of his speech, Jaemin feels a familiar weight in his chest, and his lips move with the words that he knows by heart, the words that are quoted from Renjun’s speech 23 years ago.

Jaemin had helped Lucas write his speech, and his godson had hesitantly asked if Jaemin remembered anything from his father’s speech.

“Of course,” Jaemin had replied. He’d helped Renjun write _his_ speech after all.

Lucas is closing his speech now, and his voice wavers slightly, “And I’d like to thank the people that are the reason I’m standing here today.”

“My friends,” he waves to his classmates, and many wave back enthusiastically, causing chuckles to break out amongst the audience.

“My teachers,” he waves to where the faculty are seated, and a few teachers wave back as well.

“My grandparents and uncle,” he waves in the direction of where Donghae and the elder members of the Lee and Huang families are sitting, and they all give him waves back.

“My parents,” he blows a kiss to the sky, and there’s an collective gasp as the audience realizes what his action implies.

Jaemin’s heart clenches so hard he’s not sure he’s still breathing, but Lucas doesn’t give him time to catch his breath.

“And finally, my godfather, who has done so much for me I’m not even sure where to start.”

Jaemin’s chest is constricting, and it feels like everything he’s ever felt in his life is suddenly upon him, pressing on the walls of his lungs and awaiting the verdict of his 11-year-old promise.

“When my parents died, he took me in without hesitation and decided he’d raise me. He taught me how to dance, he taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me how to shave, he taught me how to drive—even last month he taught me how to write a valedictorian speech. And while he did all this, he kept my parents alive, and from him I know everything: how they met, how they broke up, how they got back together, how much of a wreck my dad was when he proposed to my other dad,” Lucas chuckles, “and how much they loved me.”

Jaemin’s vision is obscured by the tears streaming down his face, and next to him, a parent offers him a few tissues.

“I would not be standing here,” Lucas continues, “without that man.” He points to where his godfather is sobbing, causing everyone to follow his finger, and he cracks a small smile when their eyes meet.

Everyone else in the audience is swooning and crying themselves, so Jaemin doesn’t feel embarrassed wiping the neverending tears off of his face while his godson makes him the proudest human alive.

“Thank you, Uncle Jaemin.”

Lucas gets a standing ovation, and the applause lasts for minutes, crescendoing into the sound of thunder.

Jaemin can’t help but think that Lucas truly _is_ the Sun as his radiant pride and joy descends the stage to sprint in his direction.

“Congrats, little man!” Jaemin shouts with open arms, although Lucas now stands at 6’1 and towers over everyone in the vicinity.

Lucas wraps his godfather in a big bear hug, and Jaemin returns it with as much enthusiasm as he can. His tears are getting all over Lucas’s gown, but neither of them care as Lucas cheers, “I did it, I did it!”

“Yes, you did!” Jaemin hears Donghae answer from somewhere behind him, coming to congratulate the newly graduated boy.

_I did it too, didn’t I? I kept my promise well, didn’t I?_

Jaemin knows that up in the sky, his best friends are just as proud as he is, and he knows that his beloved friends are still with him, shining down on him and his godson.

As Lucas releases his godfather from his embrace, Jaemin finds that his heart is finally whole again.

 

At age 60, Jaemin’s heart gives out, and he slips away from the world of the living between the last night of March and the first day of April.

His soul joins the other entities in the night sky, completing a constellation that has been waiting 30 years for its final member. The stars rejoice, and the galaxy shines a little brighter.

The universe carries on, and when the Sun rises, Jaemin is at rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story!
> 
> Originally I had wanted to end the story with Jaemin watching his best friends get married or becoming Lucas's godfather, but I thought, "This is Jaemin's story and his timeline that we're following," so I had to see it through to his end. 
> 
> He eventually found happiness, just not in the way he expected. Jaemin lost his stars, but he gained the Sun.
> 
> EDIT [07/23/18] - I don't have enough songs to make a playlist for this story, but I do have a special few that I listened to when writing this and I wanted to share them!
> 
> Super Junior K.R.Y + Sungmin's "What If" kind of set the overall tone for the story when I was writing it. It's an old and beautiful song, and if you've been around for a while, the nostalgia is another tug on your heart. The lyrics are nearly spot on for what Jaemin feels, and I actually didn't realize this until I searched them up recently.
> 
> Henry's "It's You" is such a wonderful song, and the best part is that it fits how both Jaemin and Jeno feel in the curtains at age 15 when they're watching Renjun dance onstage. "You're the right time at the right moment" is a phrase I find captures the feeling of falling in love quite well.
> 
> DBSK's "Hey Kid" is another old and beautiful song that has a very special place in my heart, and I kind of had this in mind alongside "What If" as I wrote the whole story. The song is sort of from a parent to a child, and while I would say it could be from Jaemin to Lucas, I'd also say it could be from us, the author and the readers, to Jaemin. We watch him grow through the years, and given that we know how fate treats him, his childhood is beyond precious. Listening to this song and going back to read through Jaemin's childhood after I finished the age 30 scene was heart-wrenching.
> 
> Thank you again for reading my story; I'm immensely thankful for the responses I've received.


	2. In the Evening Sky

This piece is now accompanied by [In the Evening Sky](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16958796), a timeline of Jeno’s life through the years as he falls in love and gives away his heart under the evening sky.

If you would like to see this story through Jeno's eyes, I invite you to click the link above.

Thank you so much for reading my stories. I can't tell you enough how much your responses mean to me.

Happy holidays!


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